VEGAN. TRUE OF FALSE?

Most people don't give vegans a thought, except when they come across the word and wonder if it's pronounced veegan or vaygun. Vay as in oy vey, whack jobs. But here in Portland, the per capita home of more vegan restaurants, tattoo parlors and strip joints (honest) than anywhere in North America (if not the world), people do have amusing ideas about what vegans are.

V's are health nuts.

HAHAHA. False. Well maybe not always false but my hardcore V friends from In Defense of Animals (IDA) are bottom feeders. "Chocolate chip" cookies (carob, no butter), muffins, cupcakes, pizza (soy cheese, don't go there), PB&J and burritos.

Mothers of V's worry that they don't get enough protein.

True. They underestimate the power of legumes, vegeburgers, nuts, seeds and soy products (as God is my witness, I will never eat tempeh again.)

V's are young.

Mostly true. The increasing crop of folks who eschew any animal products are the 21st century version of the "Never trust anyone 30" crowd. By and large they're more polite, but just as unkempt. And then there are aging vegans like Ed Begley Jr. and 50-something converts like me.

V's think animals deserve the same rights as people.

True and False. V's are not idiots. They don't think animals deserve the right to vote, drive or cut in line. But they do believe that, like people, animals should be protected from lives of enslavement, cruelty and suffering.

V's are humorless.

Only sometimes.