WHAT TO FEED A VEGAN

I am not now nor have I ever been a foodie. The food I've craved has not been the kind one simmers and savors. I rarely drink and have never eaten meat;long, lingering five-course meals don't suit me. My favorite communal meal was in 1960 at my best birthday party ever, age 8, when we gorged on a trough of ice cream and a mania of Marshmallow Fluff, shredded coconut, Nestlé chocolate chips and sprinkles (chocolate and rainbow).

Even that was a huge social breakthrough for a child who preferred dinner in the den with the farting dog. The reasons might well be apparent should you read this recent entry.)

No, I'm not a foodie. But I sure do know a few and man, can they cook. At least that's what I recall. I fell off one of my favorite foodie's invite list because I was vegetarian. "I'd have you join us but we're having meat!", he'd say until he stopped saying anything at all.

Until I find out otherwise, I'm guessing it wasn't my company. I mean vegetarians are pretty easy to feed. Vege lasagnas, quiches and fritattas are all safe terrain, and for this particularly bottom-feeder, homemade chocolate chip cookies guaranteed you a friend for life. (Yes, Mar, I do only love you for your cookies).

But now, now, I'm a real pain in the ass. No more dairy, no more eggs. And after my last visit to the naturopath, sugar's out, too. So I ask you, what friend of the gourmetic variety would stoop to feed me? The writing was on the wall: I might have to cook. Shoot me now.

Then along came Michael Jenkins, an unpretentious salt-of-the-earth foodie you should only be so lucky to know. I spent time with Michael and the lovely, talented photographer-journalist Judy Blankenship this past spring in Ecuador, where the two spend half the year in quiet, rural Cañar.

Lord have mercy, what that man could do with fresh beans.

Anyway, Michael and Judy are now back in Portland and recently asked me to join a small group for dinner. They didn´t know I´d gone vegan since Ecuador; fearing their exasperation, I delivered the news.

So what does a passionate cook and thoughtful friend feed a vegan? Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the best "no animals were harmed in the making of this dinner" vegan meal on the planet: PAELLA.Tomorrow, Michael tells all.